I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
