he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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