Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You took a bar mat shot.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
