dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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