When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Are my feet made of real feet?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
