I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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