hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
