How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
