im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
