it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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