this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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