I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
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