I haven't been this sober since birth.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
