there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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