I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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