I got chris browned last night
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
