he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
