So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
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The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
this hospital has no fireball
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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