is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
