Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
