Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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