Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Holy shit dude........stairs
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
