haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
