I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
