put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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