Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We need to get me chipped asap
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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