So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
