Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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