apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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