i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
