I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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