no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
