well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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