My sheets look like a crime scene.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
