i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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