it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
