that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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