Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Randomize
