yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
