I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
