Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
