Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You are a genius and a whore.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
