is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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