she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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