At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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