I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
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my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
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It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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