the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
