ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
