For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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