Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
