I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
