you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
