You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
