if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
