I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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