Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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