I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
the gays at disneyland are vicious
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
