i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
