Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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