I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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