My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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