He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
