Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
